And I had a surreal, scripted conversation doing so.
Me: Dialling the 0870 number to Lloyds TSB credit card department.
Automatic phone voice: Welcome to bla bla (no instructions). Do you want to report a card stolen?
Silence
Me: (after a while) No
Are you the principal card holder?
Silence
Me: eehhh – yes?
APV: Enter you card number
Me: xxxx xxxx xxxx xxxx
APV: Your four digit expire date
Me: xxxx
APV: Your date of birth
Me: xxxxxx
Silence then APV: I do not recognise the date. Try again.
Me: xxxx19xx
Your balance is £21.95 and your available balance is £3478.05 (just for example)
Press 1 if you want to hear your balance (ME: I just did!)
Press 2 if you want to … hmmm can’t remember
Press 3 is you want to speak to an Agent.
Silence
Me: Right that what I have to chose from. Must be Agent then and pressing 3
Arrived at UK based call centre where I go through the normal routine to confirm the information.
Me: I want to cancel my credit card.
Agent: I am transferring you
On hold
New Agent: Hello Ms – how can I help you? (Arrived at Non-UK Call centre)
Me: I want to cancel my Credit card. (Obviously this info have gone missing while I was on hold)
NA: Why?
Me: I am not using it anymore
NA: Do you have other credit card and/or store cards?
Me: Yes – that is why I don’t use this card anymore
NA: How much do you have in credit?
Me: None of you business
NA: Silence
Me: Silence
NA: The reason I am asking is that we have a great offer of Balance Transfer of 7%
Me: Not interested (and there my patient is gone!)
Me: It is a strange thing to say to me when I am cancelling my credit card. Why would I want to transfer any balances?
NA: Silence
Me: I guess you have to say that.
NA: Silence
NA: I have now cancelled you account. You must ensure that the outstanding balance of £21.95 is paid on time and cancel any Standing order or Direct Debit.
Me: Will you collect the outstanding balance via my Direct Debit?
NA: You must ensure that outstanding balance of £21.95 is paid on time and cancel any Standing order or Direct Debit.(said much more quicker this time around, I get the feeling that he don’t want to speak to my anymore).
Me: Noooooooo. Silence. You have to confirm to me of how I should be paying the outstanding balance since I do not want to miss any payments.
NA: Oh I don’t know. I transfer you to Customer service.
On hold.
Arrived back to the UK call centre again.
Me: How will you collect the outstanding balance?
New new Agent: Do you pay in full with Direct Debit?
Me: Yes
NnA: It will be collected at the end of the month.
Me: Ok. Thanks for your help.
NnA: Bye
Me: Bye
Me: Cutting up my Credit card in thousand and one pieces.
I don’t know what I dislike the most, Non-UK call centre with a script they have to stick to no matter what or those APV where you talk to yourself.
The reason why cancelled this card is if I don’t spend £500/annum with it then Lloyds will start adding charges – and I am allergic to pay unnecessary bank charges.